i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
