I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
