My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
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i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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