Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Your cock deserves a montage
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
