Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
