rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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