I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
