So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
