is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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