Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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