Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
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I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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