things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize