Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i've created a new STD.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
