I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
