Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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