you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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