Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
