so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize