I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
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Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.