I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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