Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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