I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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