thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
