WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
