walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
