He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
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if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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