My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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