Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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