I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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