Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
and you fell through a lawn chair
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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