i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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