My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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