Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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