You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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