using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
