Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I did not marry a roomba.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
