no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You dont lie about slip and slides
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
