everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
