Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
