remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize