Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
