i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
