Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
