I forgot how hot balto sounded
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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