Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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