lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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