just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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