I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Vodka?
Forever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
