I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
