how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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