i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
