So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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