Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
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