wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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