i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
