dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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