Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize