if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
