bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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