So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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