I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
