she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
