They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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